i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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