And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
