I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
