I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
