smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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