So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
