I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
