for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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