i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
