i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
