Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I AM VODKA MAN
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
