he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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