I just made out with a guy for $7.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
