He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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