Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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