She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.