shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.