Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize