my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
where does the pee come out of this thing
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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