the condom got lost in my hair
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
