You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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