im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need to align my fucking chakras
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
