when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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