do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
