Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
