You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
