I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
