I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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