Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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