What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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