Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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