At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
