Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
