I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
