You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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