Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
