no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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