I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
