Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
