I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
