Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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