try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
