Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
