He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
