saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
