So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
