So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
