Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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