im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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