if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
