hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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