why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
