I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
