I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm too high and old for this...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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