did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
