i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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