after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
