That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
