The maid of honor just puked.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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