I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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