Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
