Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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