and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
