i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
