I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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