a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
