I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize