oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
