How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
