i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
