He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
