she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
