well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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