what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
