I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
