i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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