If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
